I need to get out the things i do. I don’t need validation or judgement. The message is the message. I think in my need to get this out i forced. Bongino page was not the place. Also i’m thinking more like i used to like tight, refined, clearer no matter how hard. I use the excuse of my stroke, because verbally is so much easier, the rub is though I get super anxious media new people before once it starts I’m fine. But I could push past it, but it’s not my favorite thing and I’m sitting here begging people to listen to me. But my delivery is such a mess, the message reinforced is poor brain damaged guy. Just so you know this is the feeling I get I could be wrong. Could be just my insecurities, but I don’t think so. the question is, how do you get this important stuff out from your heart from God. in a way that people might hear you. I understand how busy the world is and how much information. I think I put too much stock in the brief encounters and connections. I’ve had and incredible spiritual things that have happened to me again that got me to this point. yeah how I related to and why I could just I started feeling the connection with everything that Trump is doing and who he is as a human. I tell people all the time the haters so Trump wants America to be great to feed his ego that’s your response. OK so if that’s the case that doesn’t sound like Hitler and is that better or worse for you? the comparison for me, I want somebody to hear my story. Because I’m positive that God wants me here to help people not just with the story. I don’t wanna go. Tell my story I could do that. I’ve done that and people are real impressed. Who understand what I’ve gone through medical students, Santa Ana high school, Santa Ana Valley high school they’re teaching kids nursing in high school and I’m good in that situation because anything‘s on the table and they know my answers from the heart and it’s embarrassing sometimes or uncomfortable but I know and I learned the example from other people like you guys some of you guys just learning to not silence yourself because you fear what others might think. I want somebody to hear my story so somebody can help me and I don’t want anybody’s money. Right now I probably just need help from some family members and that’s gonna be a whole another ball game. I’m working on that. I have some decisions to make. I’m gonna have to trust and it’s gonna be uncomfortable. Right now, though it’s the only chance I have to get a little help to make this happen and I could see my physical therapist and that’ll help me try to go through my program very minor version of it without a personal trainer cause that’s a necessity or else a family member that knows what they’re doing. See right now is where my messages becoming to elongated and I’m starting to become aware of it. It’s literally like teaching yourself to walk again. Teaching yourself everything and like I said is this is very hard for me to read people fill in the blanks unless I’m looking at you reading facial cues. So this has been a lot of learning for me in this area and I just starting to realize some things so we’ll see where it takes me. I forget stuff all the time I get sidetracked so who knows but this is pretty heavy right now. if you sat down with me, you’d realize we could go to the range like am I just gone through this many times and I possibly as a survival mechanism hanging on to this idea that I can do this or that God‘s pushing me forward and kept me going as a way survival mechanism a way to keep pushing forward for some goal that’s not real or attainable. That’s the logical explanation even when I hear myself say it. Except for the fact that I really know or I believe so heavily that I can help people to walk again that I could change their whole thinking and attitude and make the pieces fit so they saw the truth of what’s going on with them. Then I say well OK that’s a good reason to try to survive and if I can actually make it happen that’s a bonus. i’ve just been worrying about me too much. It is hard having no money and no help and being alone and it was very difficult with the state of the world. I’m starting to feel free from that. I’m still scared for Trump. Just takes one mad man, you know when he walked down the street in the Palisades, it may be nervous. But I’m not getting the feeling from God to be worried. I think it’s my human self but I do kind of have a feeling that well. I don’t know yet on this one. I don’t know. I think it’s just myself. See I’m super tired. I can’t sleep. I’m talking to myself again. I completely understand how anyone can conclude that I’m a little cuckoo and on that note I’m gonna go take another melatonin, gummy, and just laying lay in the dark with music. Goodnight