I was thinking my communication issues. They don’t present as much live, but I don’t know. Maybe I don’t see myself right. However, in my brain and people would laugh and think I was joking, but I said in my brain, I feel like a mix of Holden Caulfield from catcher in the Rye and Rain Man that’s how I felt . I mean, I’m not an idiot Savant maybe an idiot but I don’t think so either even though I feel like it sometimes usually by circumstances beyond my control, but that’s something I have to figure out and I’ve made a lot of excuses. I got distracted and I just don’t know if I’m strong enough I can’t remember sometimes I keep thinking in the ideal situation cause I still motivate to do it again come back. Not for myself I mean, it’d be nice. I don’t like feeling shitty all the time. But I wanna have a little Donald Trump in me. I wanna save millions of people from having no hope after a stroke oh that sounds gay, but it’s so possible and I love talking to families because what we’ve gone through society, you have no fucking idea what it’s like for people with strokes and listen for a stroke survivor. I’m like an Iron Man triathlete OK and in that world they know it and when you see your loved one in the beginning and then you have me right there to talk to them. I mean, I need to get in a lot better shape right now, but still I can get there and I have the talk the lingo and I basically tell them the pressure from you the wrong way and you’ll think you’re helping it will keep them down if you do if you listen to me, you make your own choice and you do what I say I guarantee you you will help them immensely and it’s simple stuff. I learned the hard way and a lot of his communication we can’t communicate with people, but when I intervene in the middle, I can explain how they’re feeling and thinking, and I can explain what their caregiver is thinking and feeling, and I can present both sides and I always tell the caregiver you lose every time and you should wanna lose if you want them to get better. Time understanding, and there was another one in my I had it all I had all these things written out I’ve got them all somewhere I understand, patience, blind patience, and I’ll explain I explain to them why and I can just make family members understand and I love so I’ve only done it three or four times cause I was just helping out things or walked into the room with somebody who just had a stroke at a doctor’s office and I go off I talk and I’m passionate and I know my shit. I’ve lived it and I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. so I say, how can I bridge this gap? I basically break it down to them what they’re being told to do and what I’m telling you to do is kind of in conflict of each other but you have to make your decision. Try both see what works better. I suck trying to communicate in this form. It would I would sound like a like a mag a speaker when I’m talking stroke brain injury, but in this format again, I lose a thought it’s hard for me to get back to it. I start thinking about everybody’s gonna say here he goes again with his long rambling and probably not read it. I gotta stop if I want people to read it but then I think about it this is really just for me, I mean mainly for me. If any of you read it great. I don’t seem to be able to get through to haven’t been able to get through to anybody this whole time and I’m talking in the real world, family Friends. I understand why and it’s frustrating and difficult. But always when I sit down with people that I don’t really know when I explain this to them it makes perfect sense. That’s why I keep telling my family and stuff dealt with there will be a time I can tell they’re opening up if I survive you know and I think if I can get hope after stroke really just started I feel I’ll have more. I think the more I prove this out the more people might listen to me about my personal things this last eight years. And I think people think it would be as painful talking to me as it would in the emails and it’s just totally different. I mean I’m not perfectand I’m not great but I’m pretty much everybody else has told me dude you are not what I thought you were gonna be and those are just a lot of acquaintance I’ve had people I’ve met not off here. Anyway I’m gonna shut up now. If anybody read this you’re way better man or woman than me. Have a nice night.